just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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