He kissed a someone with a penis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
