My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Duck Duck Cougar?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
