The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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