My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
