i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
