We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
