I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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