Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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