His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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