i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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