well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize