First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
