i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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