But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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