she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
