Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
