Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
