You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
