I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
