I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
