I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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