eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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