listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
