Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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