What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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