Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
