Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
