she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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