I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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