sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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