Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
