I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
