You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize