Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
