I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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