i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think my fart just growled at me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
