I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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