It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
