he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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