if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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