cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
