i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
