JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
