you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
