It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
