question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
