Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
