On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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