My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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