my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
