Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
