Tell her she can't have a vagina
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
