pop tarts are not kleenex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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