you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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