He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
