Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
