Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
