I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
