somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
