You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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