can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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