I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
