His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
