Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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