the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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