Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
