Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
