tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
